Becoming Me by Melody Carlson

Author:Melody Carlson [Carlson, Melody]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-58860-103-2
Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
Published: 2010-07-07T04:00:00+00:00

THIRTEEN

April 8, Sunday (Easter Sunday, and a mishmash of thoughts)

In youth group today, Clay talked about forgiveness again. He told about how when Jesus went to the cross it was the perfect example of forgiveness (being willing to die to yourself to forgive another).

I listened pretty carefully, since that’s been the main theme of my life lately. Actually, he talked almost as much about unforgiveness. He said when we refuse to forgive others, it’s impossible for us to receive God’s forgiveness. That’s why Jesus said, “Forgive as I forgave you.” Clay said that means to forgive totally (like Jesus did on the cross—nothing halfway about that!). And then he challenged us to search our hearts to see if there was anyone we needed to forgive today.

I have to admit that I haven’t totally forgiven my dad for leaving us (not to mention Belinda). To be honest, I think I haven’t totally forgiven Josh either. Although I do think I’ve forgiven Jenny. I’ll have to keep working on Josh and Dad and Belinda. But Clay said that God can help us to forgive, and so I’ve been asking for help. I guess that’s as good a place as any to start.

Clay is so wise and spiritual. I can’t believe he’s only eighteen. Maybe it’s because his mother died when he was little. Anyway, I’m sure he’s spent his whole life serving and believing in God (and so he’s way ahead of me in that regard). Sometimes it just seems like he has all the answers, and I think I could sit and listen to him for about a year and a half and not get a bit tired of hearing him. Okay, does that mean I have a crush on him? Actually, I’m not entirely sure. I suppose I just might. Still, I’m trying really hard not to think of him like that, because I understand how distracting that can be in a good relationship. Right now I’m just so glad to have him as a good friend. It’s true that I really do admire him. And I happen to know he doesn’t have a girlfriend (Beanie actually asked him that right in the middle of youth group!).

Speaking of romance, I was totally on the money with Beanie and Zach. She told me today that their relationship has changed recently, and that they are definitely much more than friends now. I acted like I was all happy for her and everything (I mean, she hasn’t had a boyfriend since middle school and that was just puppy love anyway), but the truth is, it worries me a little. Mostly I’m afraid that if they run into problems, or break up, they might end up losing what seems to have been a really great friendship. But on the other hand (maybe I’m just being too negative) who knows, they might end up having a really amazing romance! They’re both trying really hard to follow God. I’m sure they know what they’re doing. And

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